Getting Better With Age

This past weekend was THE weekend - obviously not my wedding weekend - but my birthday.  That's right, Hive.  I am now the age I will be at my wedding. 32.  Before I share with you all the fun I had with my nearest and dearest selecting our signature drink, and revealing which one we picked, I thought I would talk about being an "older" bride and how I got here. To be fair, I don't feel old. I don't think I'm an old bride, but according to statistics, I'm well over the national average age for a first time marriage. I've never felt criticized for my age (which I think is something a lot of younger brides face more than older brides), and I think getting married at 32 is perfect - for me.  However, I do remember when I was much younger (20), my best friend and I were slightly horrified that her older sister was just getting married at 30, and we surely would be married by the time we were 30. Spoiler Alert: Both of us are over 30, and neither of us are married. Yet. I guess the joke's on us, huh?

Age is a super sensitive subject when it comes to getting married.  Because there is no magic age when it suddenly becomes acceptable to get married, it's different for everyone. There will always be someone who has something to say about your marriage choices - either you're too old (why aren't you married yet?), too young (don't you think you should wait awhile, what's the rush?), or question the validity of getting married all together (why get married, you already live together? What's the difference?).  I've learned to let criticisms like these roll off my back.  I have long since come to terms with my own struggles of age and marriage, and when and why it is right for me. 

 Some bees have written about being a young bride, and some older and wiser bees have posted about being an older bride, and I have to admit, I used to let my age stress me out.  I may have told Mr. Ly that I would prefer it if we were married before I turned 33 (purely for TTC reasons - not because I think that age is significant!).  When I was 20 - and scoffing at my friend's sister for getting married at 30 - I couldn't imagine that in ten years I wouldn't be married. And if I had wanted to just get married, I could have been married by the time I was 25.  I had two very serious relationships in my twenties that both were leading to marriage.  But when the thought of either of those previous boyfriends proposing to me made me momentarily break out in hives or bring on a panic attack, I knew it was time to bail.  I want to marry the right person for me, not just get married. This realization was a defining moment of my twenties.  It allowed me to put my age aside, and just trust that it would happen, when it happened.   

Dropping my life's plan was the smartest thing I ever did for myself.  Go to college, meet the man of my dreams, get engaged, get married, start a family.  This was my plan for my early twenties, and when my plan deviated - I definitely had those thoughts of "Oh my god, I'm never going to get married."  Pushing out those thoughts as often as possible, allowed me to have the most amazing adventures - live where I want, travel where I want, date who I want - just living my life instead of waiting for it to catch up with my plan.  At the ripe old age of 29, just months before my 30th birthday (where according to the original timeline - I should have been married with some kids under my belt already!), I finally met the person I want to spend the rest of my life, not because I just want to get married already, but because I want to be Mr. Ly's wife - forever.  

We joke that we'll never be the last couple on the dance floor during an anniversary dance, and it makes me really sad to think that we may not live to see our 60th wedding anniversary together like my grandparents did. If I had met Mr. Ly when I was 20 or not until I was 40, I would chose him to spend the rest of my days with, and regardless of how old we are on the day we say "I do," we will have a lifetime of love that will get better with age. 

I know I'm not alone in this, who else has struggled with age throughout their wedding plans?