Getting Over Myself

With 3 weeks until the wedding, our numbers are in, we are working on all the fun logistics like seating charts and who will sit where, but there is a deep nagging feeling of disappointment when   I look at our list.

Warning - slightly ranty pity party for 1 ahead: 

Now, I knew ahead of time that you typically get 20% declines of all the invitations you send, and that is exactly what we got.  We sent out 124 invitations, and we got 25 "declines with regret" or just plain old "no" from those who couldn't be bothered to mail back the response card that has a self addressed stamped envelope included, and we had to spend hours tracking them down, seriously rude. How hard is it to check a box and put it in the mail? Or even better the ones who respond yes, and then text that they can't make it. GRRR. (/rant) Sorry.  I really do get that life happens and unexpected things occur, and our wedding isn't nearly as big a deal to anyone as it is to us, but it just stings.

Some of them were definitely expected, Mr. Ly's cousins who live in Arkansas and both just had babies, we didn't expect them to make the trip.  My parents' friends who live all over the country and I haven't seen since I was little (and have never met Mr. Ly), we didn't expect them either.  But I did hope, or expect even, that more of our family would be there.  Mostly, MY family.  I hate to say this, and I do feel like a brat when I do... but my brother got married not 3 months before our wedding - and many of the guests that came to his are not coming to our wedding.  And it hurts.  I know there may be extenuating circumstances, and it's not really them choosing his wedding over mine - but it doesn't stop it from feeling that way.

I have classic middle child syndrome, and my family has always taunted me for that.  I count and measure and compare everything against my sister and brother, because all I wanted when I was little (and still to this day) was for things to be fair. I didn't need to have more than anyone, I just needed to know that I wasn't getting the short end of the stick.  My rational side kicks in and I know for this wedding, I am not.  I am very VERY lucky to be having the wedding that we are able to have.  My brother may have had more of our family members attend, but he had to seriously limit the number of his friends he could include.  We have a higher minimum, so less family for us means we can include people we weren't able to include from the start (yes, the dreaded B-list!).

The conclusion I have come to is that I need to get over it. Get over the stupid hurt feelings I have that my cousins and family who attended his wedding won't be at ours, stop taking it all so personally. I'm sure most of these people really do wish they could be at the wedding. I am trying my best to be understanding when people keep canceling (we had 4 people who were originally yeses text today to say they can't make it - so maybe that's why the feeling is so strong right now) and just get over myself.

Thanks for being a listening ear, bees. If anyone will get it, I know it's the Hive. Anyone else go through last minute pity-parties when you got some disappointing responses?

A Lazy Ladies Weekend

A few weeks back, I had my bachelorette party.  While some girls dream of dressing up in fancy night clothes and having a night on the town drinking and dancing, this idea is far from appealing to me.  All I wanted for my bachelorette party was to spend a weekend with my favorite ladies, in a house in the mountains by a lake, just relaxing.  Good friends, good food, good times.  This was all I requested, and my MOH and bridesmaids did not disappoint.

The first weekend of December, 15 ladies traveled from Miami, Boston, New York, Philadelphia and the surrounding areas to the Poconos to spend a relaxing bachelorette weekend with me.  It was everything I wanted, and I couldn't have asked for a better weekend.  We spent most of the weekend laying about in our comfy clothes & PJs, eating and drinking, chatting and catching up on all of our lives. We did make a day trip to the outlet shops to get out of the house for a bit, and paid homage to all bachelorette parties by watching Magic Mike.

We had gorgeous snowy scenes like this to wake up to in the morning:

We spent most of our time gathered in the kitchen around the island,

Or at the kitchen table

We didn't play any typical bachelorette party games, but there was plenty of Cards Against Humanity 

And there was about 15 minutes where I was donned with every single bachelorette veil/sash/tiara that has ever been worn by any/all of the girls.  It looked something like this:

I think I'm wearing 4 tiaras, 2 sashes, a veil, a badge, and a lei with an enormous bride chalice to drink out of - classy. 

So those are the highlights of my comfy, cozy bachelorette weekend, and while it's not the traditional bachelorette party - it was the best weekend ever, and I am so lucky to have the best friends anyone could ask for!

Anyone else have a non-traditional bachelorette party?

Fathers & Daughters

Sorry for my extended absence... life has a way of throwing you some crazy curve balls when you least expect them!

As the days close in on our big day, it's time to make some game day decisions - like what song I'll dance to with my dad.

Over the years, I've shared so many dances with my dad. From dances in the kitchen when I was little and dancing on his toes to bat mitzvahs and family weddings, they are special moments in my life I'll never forget.

Personal photos:
Clockwise from top left to bottom - at home in the kitchen (circa 1985?), my sister's bat mitzvah, my bat mitzvah (1993 - rocking that sweet bow), and my brother's bar mitzvah

The dance itself is very important, but finding the song was equally important to both of us. My dad has shaped my musical personality, he has always been on the cutting edge of the musical world, and has introduced me to some of my favorite musicians and always encouraged my siblings and I to be adventurous in our musical taste.  My dad's musical taste ranges from classic rock to hipster indie rock to heavy metal and almost everything in between. I knew finding a song to dance with my dad to at our wedding wasn't going to be the easiest task mostly because I knew how opinionated he'd be about it.  It needed to be something that wasn't too overdone, not too trendy but not too obscure that we couldn't actually dance to it. And I preferred that it would be lyrically moving.

I used a similar tactic that Mr. Ly and I used for choosing our first dance song. I sent him an email with 5 choices, and hoped he liked at least one of them.

My top 5 dance with my dad songs:

How You've Grown - 10,000 Maniacs
"My, how you've grown."
I remember that phrase from my childhood days too.
"Just wait and see."
I remember those words and how they chided me,
when patient was the hardest thing to be.
Because we can't make up for the time that we've lost,
I must let these memories provide."
It's a sweet sounding song... but the lyrics are more about missed time, not really about the bond between father & daughter.

When You Need Me - Bruce Springsteen
"When you need me call my name
'Cause without you my life just wouldn't be the same
If you want me come sunny skies or rain
When you need me just call my name"
I really liked this song, and I thought that Bruce Springsteen would be a good representation of our born and bred Jersey family. But when it came down to it, as much as we both like the song - it just didn't have the right fit for us. (As it so happens, it fits Mr. Ly and his mom much better - they might be using this for their mother/son dance!)

Father & Daughter - Paul Simon
"I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two wooo
There could never be a father who loved
His daughter more than I love you"

My dad would chose this song to dance to for every single father/daughter dance if he could.  But he danced with my sister to this song at her wedding, and he wanted to choose something that would be special for my wedding.  I was fine with sharing the song, and if we couldn't agree on anything else, we'd have gone with this too. 

You are the Sunshine of My Life - Stevie Wonder
"You are the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always be around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart"

I love this song, it reminds me of when I was little, and I definitely remember dancing to this song with my dad so many times.  I think it would be great - but my dad wanted something a little more current. 

Daughter - Louden Wainwright, III - WINNER! 

"every thing she sees she says she wants
every time she wants i see she gets
thats my daughter in the water
every thing she owns i bought her
every thing she owns
thats my daughter in the water
every thing she knows i taught her
every thing she knows
every thing i say she takes to heart
every time she takes she takes apart
thats my daughter in the water
every time she fell i caught her
every time she fell
thats my daughter in the water
i lost everytime i fought her
yeah i lost every time
every time she blinks she strikes somebody blind
every time she thinks, it blows her tiny mind
thats my daughter in the water
who'd of ever thought her (who'd of ever thought)
thats my daughter in the water
i lost everytime i fought her
yeah i lost every time"

This is the song my dad and I will dance to at my wedding, with all the songs out there this one spoke to both of us. It's such a good blend of what we both wanted, and I can picture us both singing along as we sway to the upbeat tune. It's the perfect song for me and my dad.

Does anyone else's dad put a lot of thought into your father/daughter dance?  What songs are you dancing to?