Getting Over Myself

With 3 weeks until the wedding, our numbers are in, we are working on all the fun logistics like seating charts and who will sit where, but there is a deep nagging feeling of disappointment when   I look at our list.

Warning - slightly ranty pity party for 1 ahead: 

Now, I knew ahead of time that you typically get 20% declines of all the invitations you send, and that is exactly what we got.  We sent out 124 invitations, and we got 25 "declines with regret" or just plain old "no" from those who couldn't be bothered to mail back the response card that has a self addressed stamped envelope included, and we had to spend hours tracking them down, seriously rude. How hard is it to check a box and put it in the mail? Or even better the ones who respond yes, and then text that they can't make it. GRRR. (/rant) Sorry.  I really do get that life happens and unexpected things occur, and our wedding isn't nearly as big a deal to anyone as it is to us, but it just stings.

Some of them were definitely expected, Mr. Ly's cousins who live in Arkansas and both just had babies, we didn't expect them to make the trip.  My parents' friends who live all over the country and I haven't seen since I was little (and have never met Mr. Ly), we didn't expect them either.  But I did hope, or expect even, that more of our family would be there.  Mostly, MY family.  I hate to say this, and I do feel like a brat when I do... but my brother got married not 3 months before our wedding - and many of the guests that came to his are not coming to our wedding.  And it hurts.  I know there may be extenuating circumstances, and it's not really them choosing his wedding over mine - but it doesn't stop it from feeling that way.

I have classic middle child syndrome, and my family has always taunted me for that.  I count and measure and compare everything against my sister and brother, because all I wanted when I was little (and still to this day) was for things to be fair. I didn't need to have more than anyone, I just needed to know that I wasn't getting the short end of the stick.  My rational side kicks in and I know for this wedding, I am not.  I am very VERY lucky to be having the wedding that we are able to have.  My brother may have had more of our family members attend, but he had to seriously limit the number of his friends he could include.  We have a higher minimum, so less family for us means we can include people we weren't able to include from the start (yes, the dreaded B-list!).

The conclusion I have come to is that I need to get over it. Get over the stupid hurt feelings I have that my cousins and family who attended his wedding won't be at ours, stop taking it all so personally. I'm sure most of these people really do wish they could be at the wedding. I am trying my best to be understanding when people keep canceling (we had 4 people who were originally yeses text today to say they can't make it - so maybe that's why the feeling is so strong right now) and just get over myself.

Thanks for being a listening ear, bees. If anyone will get it, I know it's the Hive. Anyone else go through last minute pity-parties when you got some disappointing responses?

A Lazy Ladies Weekend

A few weeks back, I had my bachelorette party.  While some girls dream of dressing up in fancy night clothes and having a night on the town drinking and dancing, this idea is far from appealing to me.  All I wanted for my bachelorette party was to spend a weekend with my favorite ladies, in a house in the mountains by a lake, just relaxing.  Good friends, good food, good times.  This was all I requested, and my MOH and bridesmaids did not disappoint.

The first weekend of December, 15 ladies traveled from Miami, Boston, New York, Philadelphia and the surrounding areas to the Poconos to spend a relaxing bachelorette weekend with me.  It was everything I wanted, and I couldn't have asked for a better weekend.  We spent most of the weekend laying about in our comfy clothes & PJs, eating and drinking, chatting and catching up on all of our lives. We did make a day trip to the outlet shops to get out of the house for a bit, and paid homage to all bachelorette parties by watching Magic Mike.

We had gorgeous snowy scenes like this to wake up to in the morning:

We spent most of our time gathered in the kitchen around the island,

Or at the kitchen table

We didn't play any typical bachelorette party games, but there was plenty of Cards Against Humanity 

And there was about 15 minutes where I was donned with every single bachelorette veil/sash/tiara that has ever been worn by any/all of the girls.  It looked something like this:

I think I'm wearing 4 tiaras, 2 sashes, a veil, a badge, and a lei with an enormous bride chalice to drink out of - classy. 

So those are the highlights of my comfy, cozy bachelorette weekend, and while it's not the traditional bachelorette party - it was the best weekend ever, and I am so lucky to have the best friends anyone could ask for!

Anyone else have a non-traditional bachelorette party?

Fathers & Daughters

Sorry for my extended absence... life has a way of throwing you some crazy curve balls when you least expect them!

As the days close in on our big day, it's time to make some game day decisions - like what song I'll dance to with my dad.

Over the years, I've shared so many dances with my dad. From dances in the kitchen when I was little and dancing on his toes to bat mitzvahs and family weddings, they are special moments in my life I'll never forget.

Personal photos:
Clockwise from top left to bottom - at home in the kitchen (circa 1985?), my sister's bat mitzvah, my bat mitzvah (1993 - rocking that sweet bow), and my brother's bar mitzvah

The dance itself is very important, but finding the song was equally important to both of us. My dad has shaped my musical personality, he has always been on the cutting edge of the musical world, and has introduced me to some of my favorite musicians and always encouraged my siblings and I to be adventurous in our musical taste.  My dad's musical taste ranges from classic rock to hipster indie rock to heavy metal and almost everything in between. I knew finding a song to dance with my dad to at our wedding wasn't going to be the easiest task mostly because I knew how opinionated he'd be about it.  It needed to be something that wasn't too overdone, not too trendy but not too obscure that we couldn't actually dance to it. And I preferred that it would be lyrically moving.

I used a similar tactic that Mr. Ly and I used for choosing our first dance song. I sent him an email with 5 choices, and hoped he liked at least one of them.

My top 5 dance with my dad songs:

How You've Grown - 10,000 Maniacs
"My, how you've grown."
I remember that phrase from my childhood days too.
"Just wait and see."
I remember those words and how they chided me,
when patient was the hardest thing to be.
Because we can't make up for the time that we've lost,
I must let these memories provide."
It's a sweet sounding song... but the lyrics are more about missed time, not really about the bond between father & daughter.

When You Need Me - Bruce Springsteen
"When you need me call my name
'Cause without you my life just wouldn't be the same
If you want me come sunny skies or rain
When you need me just call my name"
I really liked this song, and I thought that Bruce Springsteen would be a good representation of our born and bred Jersey family. But when it came down to it, as much as we both like the song - it just didn't have the right fit for us. (As it so happens, it fits Mr. Ly and his mom much better - they might be using this for their mother/son dance!)

Father & Daughter - Paul Simon
"I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two wooo
There could never be a father who loved
His daughter more than I love you"

My dad would chose this song to dance to for every single father/daughter dance if he could.  But he danced with my sister to this song at her wedding, and he wanted to choose something that would be special for my wedding.  I was fine with sharing the song, and if we couldn't agree on anything else, we'd have gone with this too. 

You are the Sunshine of My Life - Stevie Wonder
"You are the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always be around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you'll stay in my heart"

I love this song, it reminds me of when I was little, and I definitely remember dancing to this song with my dad so many times.  I think it would be great - but my dad wanted something a little more current. 

Daughter - Louden Wainwright, III - WINNER! 

"every thing she sees she says she wants
every time she wants i see she gets
thats my daughter in the water
every thing she owns i bought her
every thing she owns
thats my daughter in the water
every thing she knows i taught her
every thing she knows
every thing i say she takes to heart
every time she takes she takes apart
thats my daughter in the water
every time she fell i caught her
every time she fell
thats my daughter in the water
i lost everytime i fought her
yeah i lost every time
every time she blinks she strikes somebody blind
every time she thinks, it blows her tiny mind
thats my daughter in the water
who'd of ever thought her (who'd of ever thought)
thats my daughter in the water
i lost everytime i fought her
yeah i lost every time"

This is the song my dad and I will dance to at my wedding, with all the songs out there this one spoke to both of us. It's such a good blend of what we both wanted, and I can picture us both singing along as we sway to the upbeat tune. It's the perfect song for me and my dad.

Does anyone else's dad put a lot of thought into your father/daughter dance?  What songs are you dancing to? 

Lyre Invitations

Over the past few weeks, our invitations have been sent and received, the responses are rolling in - so it's time to show you guys the Lyre invitations!

First, we decided to go with a calligrapher.  My handwriting leaves much to be desired, and I wanted to get darker envelopes, so printing was out.  Once we found Carmela of Custom Calligraphy, we knew we had found the answer! Besides doing beautiful work, she is so unbelievably affordable, it's a win-win situation. We got so many compliments on the calligraphy alone, it was the best decision we could have made!

Front of envelope 

Not only did Carmela do a great job on the addresses (despite being without power for almost a week during Hurricane Sandy, too!), she also did our return address on every single invitation in her gorgeous calligraphy:

Return address 

 When our guests opened their invitation and pulled out their bundle, this is what they saw:

Once they took it apart, this is what they had:

The Lyre invitation suite

Now for the details:  

I toyed briefly with the idea of learning Adobe Illustrator over the summer and designing our own invitations, but after a very frustrating ordeal with a single flourish, I opted to leave it to the professionals. We ordered letterpress invitations by Delphine, in the April design with Graceful font throughout the entire invitation. The designs were a dark gray, and the text in a lighter gray.  We chose traditional wording, and had our initials instead of our wedding date or monogram added to the top flourish. 

Our response cards were also letterpressed, with traditional wording and the same font and text/design colors as our invitation.

Our information card was flat printed in the same style but with the colors reversed to make it stand out among the letterpressed items. 

Not part of our invitation suite, but we also ordered flat printed cards personalized with our names to use for future wedding correspondence. 

When it came time to mail these, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they weighed exactly one ounce! This meant we could use a forever stamp instead of a 65 cent stamp or two forever stamps. I was super paranoid about this and had it weighed three times, at three separate post offices, just to make sure. I went with the cherry blossom stamps because I liked the way it looked against the gray envelopes. 

 On November 8th, I hauled 110 stuffed envelopes into Philadelphia, to the B. Free Franklin Post Office in Philadelphia, where they hand cancel every single item that goes through their post office.  

The B. Free Franklin Post Office, photo via wikipedia

The first 50 are free, and then it's 5 cents an envelope after that. It's the only post office in the entire United States to use the Ben Franklin stamp, and I thought it was so fitting for our Philadelphia wedding that will take place only 2 blocks away from this post office! I'm sure no one even noticed, but for me it was worth the $3.50 to get this back in the mail: 

Hand canceled stamp from B. Free Franklin Post Office

We haven't had a single returned envelope, although we do fear that some got lost in the mail. As of a week ago one of my bridesmaids hadn't received hers yet, but fingers crossed it will still turn up!

So there you have it, the Lyre invitation suite down to the stamps. Our invitations were a bit of splurge in some regards, but still cost well under the projected cost for letterpress invitations (thank goodness for Groupons!)

Did anyone else splurge a bit on their invitations?

Timeless

Here is something I hear a lot of brides say: "I want my wedding to be timeless..." I get what they mean, really. But I don't believe anything in a wedding is timeless, not in the way that brides want it to be.  What I think most people really want is to look back on their wedding pictures and not think "what was I thinking?" I think weddings can be classically beautiful, but in 50 years, your wedding pictures will look 50 years old.

The only thing that is relatively timeless about weddings is the act of getting married. And even that has changed shape and style many times over in the recent past. We are people who grow and change with the times - it is only expected that our traditions and customs change with them.  (i.e. first looks, self uniting ceremonies, even interfaith weddings)

Here is a photo of my grandmother from her engagement photos back in 1944

Photo by Gimbels Department Store

Beautiful? Yes.  Timeless? No.

Nature is timeless (mostly), I can take a picture of a mountain or a forest, and in 10, 20, 30 years even - save any natural disasters or people - the landscape will look relatively the same.  People are not timeless, nor should we put the expectation on our wedding to be.

My grandparents (on the right) at a family wedding in the 1950s

I couldn't find any family wedding photos from the 1960s, but here's one of my grandparents going out on the town!

My parents' wedding, 1973, with her bridesmaids in mismatched dresses

My aunt's wedding in 1983

I'm sure you see where I am going with this.  Here is a span of 5 decades of pictures, and are all these photos beautiful? To me, yes. Is there anything inherently awful about any of these photos? I don't think so. Maybe the 70's were too casual or the 80's too glam, but I love how these photos have shaped my vision of what history looks like in my family. I don't want to emulate any of these photos in my own wedding.  I want my wedding to be beautiful and of it's time and the photos will capture that.  I love the way each photo stands on it's own - and trust me no one looks at any of these photos and thinks - wow, that could have been just last year. 

You might want your wedding to be classic or traditional or modern or rustic or elegant or glamourous or retro - any of these things. But timeless is something that none of these things are.  My wedding will look like 2013, and whatever weddings look like in 50 years, it won't look like mine.

Who agrees that there is nothing timeless about a wedding, save the very act of marriage itself, and we should just embrace the styles of our time?  What do you think our kids will look back on today and think, "OMG (or whatever kids will say then) that was so 2010s?"

A Nectar Moon, Take 2

Remember a long long time ago, when I told you how we would be booking our mini-moon (dubbed "Nectar Moon" by Mr. Ly) through Groupon or LivingSocial or some other flash sale travel site?  Yeah... that didn't happen.

As we got closer and closer to the 100 day mark, I got more and more nervous that we didn't have a place set yet for our Nectar Moon. I looked through as many travel sites as I could think of from Cheap Caribbean to Groupon to JetSetter (through Gilt) and every other travel site out there. The prices for January, when they were even available, were WAY more than we were hoping to spend... or the resort had terrible ratings for the rooms and/or food and/or staff, or was somehow tied to a timeshare company (one of the one things we did NOT want for our short trip was to be hassled to sit through a sales pitch!).  So, we were left with a few options - the first being to not go away.  I definitely did not like this option, at all. The second option was to go somewhere close/driveable. And the third option was to up our budget and splurge on our Nectar Moon.  We went for option three. When we originally budgeted for our 4 day trip, we wanted to spend about $2,000 on everything including airfare, taxes, tips, and all food & drinks.  This seemed doable, and truth be told, if we were less picky about the resorts we were willing to stay at, we could have most definitely done this.  After my failed LivingSocial deal, I decided I would just hand over the responsibility to Mr. Ly and let him choose where we would go.

In the end, he ended up going through a travel agent and we are going to be heading to the warm beaches of Jamaica for 4 glorious days and nights of all-inclusive goodness.  It only ended up being a few hundred dollars higher than we originally budgeted, and by going through a travel agent, we didn't have to pay the full amount all at once, like we would have had we booked it online/through a flash sale site. This made it even more manageable, and we decided almost immediately where we wanted to go!

Sandals Grande Riviera in Ocho Rios is where we'll be spending our first few days as husband and wife(!!).  I hope the skies are this blue and the water this inviting when we're there, I absolutely can not wait. I like that we are going to an adults only, well known all-inclusive.  We didn't need anything super fancy, or something that breaks the mold - It's both of our first time staying at an all-inclusive, and we didn't want to have a lousy experience. Sandals is definitely well known and well liked.

Sandals Grande Riviera in Ocho Rios

The beach at Sandals Grande Riviera in Ocho Rios

Sandals Grande Riviera in Ocho Rios

This is the style/level room we'll be staying in.  We don't need anything fancy for the 4 days we're there, a bed, a bathroom, so long as it's clean and comfortable - we don't plan on spending a ton of time here, but enough that we want it to be nice. The bath was the most important thing to me - I LOVE big jacuzzi tubs, and that was probably my only requirement.  

The Great House Oceanview Room at Sandals Grande Riviera 

The balcony of the Great House Oceanview Room at Sandals Grande Riviera 

So while we tried to save some money by booking through a sale site, we've found that by expanding our budget a bit, we were able to get a much higher quality of resort for not too much more than we would've got on our own.  There are a few areas where I truly believe you end up getting what you pay for in quality, and after seeing what our "cheaper" options were, I wasn't ready to risk our Nectar Moon in a dump!

Any recommendations on what to do while we're in Ocho Rios? We don't really plan on leaving the resort (4 days of eating, drinking and sleeping in the sun is all that our agenda has on it currently!), but we could be swayed by some good suggestions!

You're Next.

Before Hurricane Sandy brought her wrath to the East Coast,  my family celebrated this weekend the wedding of my little brother and my now sister-in-law! I am using the time while we still have power to blog, as Mr. Ly is using this time to battle a bear in Skyrim. I hope everyone who is in the path of Sandy is safe and sound, and mostly dry.  I am particularly freaked out by the severity of the storm, but as long as I have power, I am going to use my time wisely and I need something to keep my mind busy! Recapping our last unmarried wedding as guests is the perfect distraction.

As Miss Gray Wolf recently blogged about, when you attend a wedding close to your own, you notice things that you might not take notice of otherwise.  The details that, as brides, we spend hours obsessing over go unnoticed by many a wedding guest - unless you are planning your own wedding!  My sister-in-law and I are very different types of brides (for one, I don't think she's ever been on the 'bee) and had very different visions for our weddings from the start.  I have tried not to compare our weddings, but as you can imagine, when you have two family members getting married just 3 months apart, it's hard not to.  My brother's wedding was more of your rustic/barnyard feel with lots of mason jars and wooden touches. The venue was spectacular and my sister-in-law did a really excellent job putting her vision together!

(all photos personal)

A good shot of the venue, Pomme,  set up for the ceremony which was later transformed info the reception space 

Seating Chart made with an old wooden frame & chicken wire, mini clothespins holding them

Center Pieces and table numbers - Mason Jars with daisies on wood that was burned by the bride 

Our wedding is not rustic at all, but despite our different visions, we will have some similarities at our wedding.  For one, we are using the chuppah that my sister-in-law's father made for their wedding.  How's that for something borrowed? It's a gorgeous structure made out wood that came from the town that my sister-in-law was named after, and covered in a tallis (Jewish prayer shawl) from my dad's cousin. It's a beautiful blending of families, and I will proudly marry Mr. Ly underneath it. We will be adding more flowers to the front, and draping it with white fabric, but being married under the same chuppah as my brother is a great honor that I am not going to pass up!

My brother breaking the glass at the end of their ceremony

Also, some of our vendors are the same. We are using the same florist and the same DJ company. My brother had a different DJ than we do, but he still did a great job of keeping the dance floor packed all night!

Oh, and cake.  What would a Lyre event be without an amazing cake?  Yes, MOH Diane made my brother's wedding cake which was, as always, gorgeous and delicious (chocolate cake with peanut butter buttercream).

Finally, as you might guess, my brother's guest list and ours look fairly similar (at least our half of the list) and most, if not all, of our family members will be attending both of our weddings. Mr. Ly and I had a prediction of how many times we would hear "You're next..." from our relatives and family friends. My prediction was 40 times, and Mr. Ly predicted 30.  We both overshot it, but we think we heard it about 25 times, and if you count the variations or people asking us "Are you all set?" it probably would be closer to my 40.  Seriously, all set? We have almost 3 months left, people! I just smiled and said things are coming along nicely, and tried to change the conversation.  While I usually enjoy talking about our wedding plans, this weekend was neither the time or place for that.  I wanted to focus this weekend on my brother and his wife, and their marriage.

We had an amazing time at my brother's wedding - and if our wedding is even half as fun as my brother's, we'll be set! Let's just hope we don't follow suit with the natural disasters surrounding the wedding weekend - no blizzards please!

We're next! 

Now that the weekend is over, it really has started to hit me that we are next!  I had my first anxiety dream last night, which coupled with the anxiety I was already feeling about the hurricane didn't provide the best night's sleep.  Now we'll just have to weather the storm and see what the next few days bring. Please stay safe, bees!

Anyone else go to a wedding this weekend? Married brides - do you still compare weddings to your own after you are married?